For Now,
you'll need to buy
merchandise elsewhere

Sadly, we're still working on this part of the site. Apologies. However, to accomodate you, we've turned this icon of a turkey (or chicken, perhaps) into a button that takes you to where the online store is not a cause for public humiliation. It's also where you can buy–right now–all the don-chaffer-themed merchandise your heart may desire.